Hello In There . . .

[The Rez]

My cousin Buck has been in a "vegetative" state for 9 yrs, albeit without any type of life support. He is fed baby food by mouth, which he somehow opens, receives, and swallows, like a baby bird.

Other than that, nothing.

When my mother-in-law was dying of Alzheimers - in a hospital bed placed in her living room and visited by blessed hospice people - she, too, was without response.

About 35yrs ago John Prine wrote a song -"Hello In There." It spoke of the elderly who sit w/ no apparent response to the world around them, but were once vital.

John figured the "person" was still in there somewhere. That's how I feel about Buck and felt about Marion.

So, I visit Buck (and did the same w/ Marion) play my guitar and just sing - Old Time Hymns, Froggie Went a-Courtin', whatever I feel/felt moved to play and sing.

I don't know if the Buck I grew up w/ is in there or not. I don't know whether my wife's mother was in there or not either.

But I sing to Buck and I sang to Marion. That's my part. Since I don't, and can't, really know, I'll err, too, on the side of life.

If I'm singin' to a brick wall, so be it. But, if not . . .

The Rez


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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive

[talbot10]

God Bless you Rez. I feel the same way.

Bill Hall

..*you will always have your time to shine, even in the winter of your darkest hour*...jeremy enigk -

Absolutely, Rez. I completely agree with you and Bill. It seems like some people think their spouses or other family members are disposable when they cease to become "useful." Quality of life? How about life?? Life is life. I don't care if they can't feed themselves, it doesn't make them less of a person. They should be fed.

[This message has been edited by Sheryl Klein (edited March 26, 2005).]

[Patti]

True kindness brings a comfort and will not be forgotten.

[The Rez]

Your kindnesses have caressed my heart.

Blessings,

The Rez

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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive

[Patti]

Mush.

[Sundreme]

quote:Originally posted by Sheryl Klein:
Absolutely, Rez. I completely agree with you and Bill. It seems like some people think their spouses or other family members are disposable when they cease to become "useful." Quality of life? How about life?? Life is life. I don't care if they can't feed themselves, it doesn't make them less of a person. They should be fed.

[This message has been edited by Sheryl Klein (edited March 26, 2005).]

I totally agree with you Sheryl. What kind of society have we become when we force a mother to have to watch her daughter starve to death. We don't starve MURDERERS, We don't starve rapists, but its ok to starve a helpless brain damaged woman? Something is wrong with this picture!
Erica

[Auburn Annie]

How many posters have living wills, health care proxies, advance directives, durable power of attorney for health care? Have you filed them with all your doctors, your attorney, other family members? Does your spouse/significant other know what you want or don't want when it comes to resuscitative attempts? Dialysis or not, ventilator or no vent, artificial hydration and/or nutrition - or not? Do you yourself understand what each involves, and know how you feel about each?

It's a very complex query, not to be dashed off in an afternoon. And you need an agent whom you are certain will carry out your wishes as stated; even when written down, some people's wishes are ignored either by family or medical personnel so, for example, the mother who never ever wanted to be on a vent is kept 'alive' for months or years. My own mother stated she never wanted to be on a vent or kept alive artificially, said so in an emergency room while we waited as surgeons made a futile attempt to operate on my uncle who had an abdominal aortic aneurysm rupture at work. My father was telling her "you don't mean that" and she was saying yes she did, even stopping an anesthesiologist who was a mutual friend to make her wishes known to him as well. In the end they both had DNR (do not resuscitate) orders. My dad died at home of a massive coronary and the EMTs honored the DNR order; my mom still lives, happy that dad didn't end up in a hospital - he'd be a lousy patient and miserably unhappy.

Folks forget that not that long ago (and still in many places) people voluntarily choose to stop eating and drinking when they feel they have lived the life they wanted and have no interest in continuing, either due to advanced age or terminal illness or plain disinterest in life. Many of those who have done this and are fully aware and conscious during the process of dying report little or no pain. Either the kidneys shut down or pneumonia (often referred to as "the old person's friend) sets in and death follows shortly. A colleague's father did this last year. He had a terminal illness, turned down chemo etc which would only prolong the dying process and not improve what was left of his time. He went very peacefully in less than a week.

The sad part of this mess is that Terri never put it in writing, though she did give voice to what she didn't want, not only to her husband but at least 2 other family members. Like my dad, the parents don't want to - or can't - let go. Entirely understandable. But this was Terri's choice, not her parents' choice, not her husband's choice. And people have a right to determine for themselves what they want done - or not - by medical personnel.

[This message has been edited by Auburn Annie (edited March 29, 2005).]

[The Rez]

Patti,

I like mush. (I must admit, I was feelin' a bit mushy at the moment.)

Mushily yours,

The Rez

PS: I still haven't figured out those "smilie" thingies, but consider the proper one inserted.





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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive

[Patti]

I think I'll press the semicolon and the capital zero.

Click on the Smiles Legend to the left of the message box when you're writing a message.

[Janice]

quote:Originally posted by Auburn Annie:
How many posters have living wills, health care proxies, advance directives, durable power of attorney for health care?

I agree with all you wrote, Annie. A few years ago my grandmother, who I had taken care of for 8 years, had a stroke that left her in a vegitative state. She was breathing on her own, but nothng else. After a week in the hospital with IV hydration and high hopes that she would heal from this, the doctor told me that she never would and to keep her alive we would have to use a feeding tube.

The most difficult thing I have ever had to do and will probably never have to do anything harder in my lifetime, was to honor the living will she completed several years prior stating that she did not want to be kept alive by any artificial means including, but not limited to, feeding tubes and hydration. But I respected my grandmother enough to do what she wanted and not what I wanted.

Trust me, this is not any easier for the husband than it is for the mother.

[The Rez]

Patti,



The Rez

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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive

[Patti]

Alright, Rez!
I guess all a person can do right now for that Schindler girl is to pray for her to be comforted.

[The Rez]

Oh, that there might be a "smilie" w/ a lone teardrop.

Yes, here we pray - I figure all prayer sums up w/ the words Thy Will Be Done.

Blessings,

The Rez

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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive

[Patti]

The "smile" was for you posting a "smile". The next paragraph was about was about the Florda girl. It seemed that everyone (including me, by calling her Schindler) was getting too caught up in the issue, disagreements, the politics, etc., and she might need prayers more than anything. Though I know it is an important issue, it's gotten pretty messed up.

[Kathy in Michigan]

Well, she's in a much better place now. At least I would like to think so.
Though my husband and I don't have a living will yet, we have talked a great deal about all this and neither of us would want to have our life prolonged like hers and we would not like our families to be on hold for all those years. I can't even imagine the emotional toll this has taken on all of them.
I think the political and religious circus that has ensued was totally ridiculous, even though I got caught up in the media blitz and had discussions with people about it. I could not imagine putting my family through that either.
Well, may she rest in peace. If they let her.

"I wish you good spaces in the far away places you go. If it rains or it snows, may you be safe and warm and never grow old."