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Old 11-22-2004, 07:05 PM   #26
jj
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Q: Should you wear rubber gloves while giving a baby a bath?

hey, so what's the real answer to that????

ps) btw, Gymnasium...always loved that joke
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Old 11-22-2004, 08:21 PM   #27
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quote:Originally posted by jj:
Q: Should you wear rubber gloves while giving a baby a bath?

hey, so what's the real answer to that????

ps) btw, Gymnasium...always loved that joke


Why would you wear rubber gloves? Are you afraid he'll poop on your fingers?

No, you shouldn't wear rubber gloves while giving a baby a bath. How would all of those people who had babies before rubber gloves were invent have done it?

Cathy http://www.cathycowette.com
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Old 11-23-2004, 12:03 AM   #28
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A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in.

The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in.

The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks quickly.

He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"

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Old 11-23-2004, 02:13 PM   #29
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A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'."
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Old 11-23-2004, 06:50 PM   #30
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This is a conversation from Joleen, a former employee and Wynonna Judd fan, about a month before her first year was up:

Joleen:

Cathy,
I just have one question, am I getting a raise? I know you mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, and I have never heard about it again. I know you have been busy, I would just like to know for financial reasons.
PS: I will stop talking about Wynonna if I get a raise.
Joleen
---------------------------------------------

My reply:

Yes, as soon as I get a chance to do it. I have a bunch to do tomorrow. If you write 100 times that you love Gordon Lightfoot's music, and that he is indeed better than Wynonna, maybe I'll get a chance to do yours.

Cathy
---------------------------------------------

Joleen's reply:

Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....
Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is
Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon
is Great......Wynonna Sucks.....Gordon is Great......Wynonna
Sucks
Joleen
---------------------------------------------
And this one is a two week notice that I found in my inbox on April Fools' Day:

Cathy,
Today is the saddest day of my life. I am putting in my 2 weeks notice. The goverment sees it fit to enroll me in the Witness Protection Program. Last week Sarah Spooner & I were standing on the corner of State & Main, when we both saw some things that we were never meant to see. The Goverment is not putting Sarah in the Witness Protection Program because, frankly, they would rather see her dead. She is worth nothing to them, because she is not a credible witness to anything because she has been in & out of jail for the last 7 years. They also believe she would do anything for money. So they
believe her testimony could be bought by anyone. After I leave here I can have no further contact with anyone I have ever
known. I never exsisted. I never worked here & my name was never Joleen. I am forced to move to Tahiti, living on the beach, drinking pina coladas.
This is not the way I would like to live my life, but my testimony is vital to putting John " the iron fist" Ciccolella behind bars.
I was told I could bring only one thing with me & I am choosing to bring a Gordon Lightfoot cd, so can I borrow yours.???
Bye,
The Person Formally Known As Joleen


Cathy http://www.cathycowette.cm
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Old 11-23-2004, 07:01 PM   #31
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This one always cracks me up, no matter how many times I read it.

SKULE ECKSUKES

These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Cathy http://www.cathycowette.com

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Old 12-13-2004, 04:35 PM   #32
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Oldie but Goody! Some of the youngsters might not know it.. but, then, they won't know the original song so, they won't get the joke anyway......Oh......what the hell!!......

A man asked his son what he would like for his forthcoming sixth birthday. The son said he wanted a hamster so the man visited the local pet shop. There he found the perfect hamster who was in the peak of health so he bought it. He also bought a cage with a wheel and a water bottle. As he was leaving the store owner said "Any problems what-so-ever, just come back here. I live right above the shop and I'll help you out any time you want."
The man put the hamster and cage in his car and drove home. He left them in there until his son had gone to bed so that he wouldn't see them when he brought them in. Next morning is the son's birthday so the man gets up early to wrap the other presents and to check on the hamster. He is horrified to see that the hamster is lying dead in the bottom of the cage with it's legs in the air! He realises that his son will be distraught as he's talked about nothing else for weeks! Quickly he pulled on his coat and drove round to the pet shop and knocked on the owner's door. He explains the problem and the owner is quite understanding and gives the man a new hamster, refusing to take any payment for it.
The man then says "What can I do with the old one? I don't want to bury it as the cat may dig it up and I don't want to throw it away in case my son sees it in the bin".
The pet-shop owner replies "What I do is mix up a strong sugar solution - about 1.5kg of sugar and 2 litres of water, bring it to the boil and then add the hamster and simmer for about two hours, stirring periodically. It makes quite a nice jam."
The man says thank you and that he will try the rather strange recipe and then dashes home with the new hamster. He gives the new hamster to his son who is thrilled with it and promptly goes off to play with it. The man then decides to try the pet-shop owner's recipe so goes to the supermarket to get some sugar, then gets the largest saucepan he has and starts cooking. After two hours, the mixture has become jam-like so the man decides to try it. He gets a slice of bread and smears a layer on and takes a bite. And it is (not unsurprisingly) absolutely revolting! In disgust he throws the rest of the mixture out of the window, all over his garden, and does his best to forget about the whole thing.
But after a few days he notices that daffodils are springing up all over his lawn. He is at a loss to explain it as he's never had any in his garden before! Next day, his son asks him to take him to the pet-shop as he wants to get some more food for the hamster so the man agrees. Whilst his son is looking around at the other animals, the pet-shop owner, recognising the man, comes over to talk to him.
"So", he said, "did you try that recipe I gave you?"
"Yes, but it tasted disgusting so I threw it out the window. Odd thing is, where it landed I've got daffodils growing!"
"Daffodils?" asked the store owner, "Are you sure? You usually get tulips from hamster-jam"
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Old 12-13-2004, 05:58 PM   #33
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This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.

“Hey, what's that?”

“A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.”

“Can I try?” The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

“Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”

“Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”
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Old 12-16-2004, 01:51 PM   #34
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A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet poodle along for company.

One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long the poodle discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him. He slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the poodle saw him
heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet...and just when they
get close enough to hear, the poodle says.... "Where's that damn monkey? I sent
him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
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Old 12-16-2004, 03:00 PM   #35
waltsongs
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A bumper sticker for both parties.

FINALLY someone has come out with A 100% Bi-Partisan Political Bumper sticker.

The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State:

"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper

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Old 12-16-2004, 06:44 PM   #36
Cathy
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quote:Originally posted by waltsongs:
A bumper sticker for both parties.

FINALLY someone has come out with A 100% Bi-Partisan Political Bumper sticker.

The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State:

"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper



LOL. A little double meaning there. I'm going to put one on each bumper and confuse everyone.

Cathy http://www.cathycowette.com

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Old 12-17-2004, 10:46 AM   #37
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I'm glad you see the humor in it. I'll vote for her if she runs...

Walt
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Old 12-17-2004, 11:54 AM   #38
jj
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quote:Originally posted by waltsongs:
"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"


heh heh btw, i see RUN LOLA RUN is on dvd

cool, a bit more artsy than Sliding Doors, lol
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Old 12-17-2004, 10:29 PM   #39
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quote:Originally posted by charlene:
feel free to post jokes...I meant to delete the first one but the whole topic got deleted...
sorry guys...take care what you post...
char



Oops. My bad. I am sorry, I posted a racial joke, and I guess I shouldn't have posted it.
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Old 12-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #40
waltsongs
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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.


A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.


Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.


I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?


Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


Banning the bra was a big flop.


Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.


Without geometry, life is pointless.


When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.


Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.


When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
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Old 12-22-2004, 03:11 PM   #41
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Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball & some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Beer goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most
likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase "let's F***" is illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath; beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you? And why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

5. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

From,
Your biggest fan

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Old 12-23-2004, 11:31 AM   #42
waltsongs
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A country family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"
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Old 12-24-2004, 01:23 AM   #43
brink
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quote:Originally posted by Cathy:
This is a conversation from Joleen, a former employee and Wynonna Judd fan, about a month before her first year was up:

Joleen:

Cathy,
I just have one question, am I getting a raise? I know you mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, and I have never heard about it again. I know you have been busy, I would just like to know for financial reasons.
PS: I will stop talking about Wynonna if I get a raise.
Joleen


I love Joleen, she must be great to work with.
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Old 12-24-2004, 06:30 PM   #44
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quote:Originally posted by brink:
I love Joleen, she must be great to work with.

She no longer works for me, but while she was there, she sure made things interesting. She was a very tall, very big woman. I think she was probably pushing 400 lbs, close to 6 feet tall. But she used her size to her advantage, kind of like a female Jackie Gleason. She was a real hoot!

Cathy http://www.cathycowette.com

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Old 12-29-2004, 01:37 PM   #45
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I discovered this little pearl somewhere on the net. I hope you all find it as amusing I and the sainted SK did.
---------------------------------------------

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 3pm and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware. I then upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2004. Shortly after this upgrade I found that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeExcel. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and HairStyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week.
Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law which can't be turned off? Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004, it tends to delete all your Money files before uninstalling itself. Any help on this matter would be gratefully received.
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Old 12-29-2004, 05:05 PM   #46
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Here's a joke that was popular in the 90's (at least I heard a few younger people tell it).

What was Jim Carrey caught doing in the restroom?

"SsssMOKIN"!!


One more. How many Jim Carrey's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1!! He's really "screwy",so he should have no trouble at all!!


------------------
"A knight of the road,going back to a place where he might get warm." - Borderstone
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Old 01-17-2005, 11:44 PM   #47
gwen snyder
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Damn and I missed all this shit in 2004.Funny you guys are funny.
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Old 01-21-2005, 05:06 PM   #48
Borderstone
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Phoenix,Arizona -America
Posts: 4,429
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Knock knock!

Who's there?

Itch a shoe!

Itch a shoe who?

Itch a shoe untied? Because you almost fell down!!

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"A knight of the road,going back to a place where he might get warm." - Borderstone
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Old 03-02-2005, 11:19 PM   #49
The Rez
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Balboa, CA, US of A
Posts: 599
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Shalom,

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old
country for America returns to visit the family.

"But--where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.

"Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard."

"But at least you keep the Sabbath?"

"Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath."

"But kosher food you still eat?"

"Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher."

The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in
his ear,

"Isaac, tell me--you’re still circumcised?"

Ouch,
The RezRabbi


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It was a Beautiful Rainbow
A Beautiful Time in my Life
A Thing to Share
A Time to Care
To Be Alive
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Old 03-04-2005, 07:36 PM   #50
jj
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: ontario, canada
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I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, NOT proof, to destroy it

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes...after that, you'd better have a big dude or huge boobs

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon...and all the less important ones just never go away

(holy, that last one was TOO real!)
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