How Do You Explain This?

[Affair on Touhy Ave.]

I used to belong to this message board and their was this teen who was 1 of the members and she had a couple of sites, 1 mysace another xgama I think it's called. here's something I found. Her parents give her a cerfew, she doesn't follow it, and yet her parents won't do anything else to keep her from breaking the rules. Now I'm not all that worried about that though just knowing her from this other board I mentioned she probably shouldn't even be allowed to roam free.

I'm not a parent and I'm sure it's not easy especially when they are in thir teens. but I do think there are many who don't do all that great of a job case in point, to keep allowing 1 to break the rules without at least trying to do more to curb it which obviously they're not doing. I remember the commerial the late actor Carrol O'Connor did for his son who had a drug problem and originally he says how his son began using drugs also added "I did get tough but I was afraid to get to tough." I mean what do you got to loose by getting to tough?

[ July 24, 2006, 16:12: Message edited by: Affair on Touhy Ave. ]

[brink-]

Touhy,
A lot of parents thing their kids won't love them if they are tough, some kids nothing will stop them from doing what they want to short of sending them away. Each kid and each parent is different. No instruction books....

[Affair on Touhy Ave.]

I've heard that before and not that I mean to sounds aguemenitive but why would they think that? And if that happens, well thaen that's a risk they're gonna have to take. If they're that worried about something like that then they're must be other issues going on.

[ July 26, 2006, 18:07: Message edited by: Affair on Touhy Ave. ]

[charlene]

You can hear it all, read it all and live it all...but every kid/parent/situation is different.

Sometimes the outcome is good....other times...not so good. There are no guarantees either way you deal with the 'trouble.".

If you don't have adolescents/teens/young adults of your own you'll never really know the reality of it all - good and bad.

Truth is there are lots of bad parents with great kids and then there are a lot of great parents with not so great kids....

Like brink says - there's no instruction manual.

[RM]

lazymorning,

It sounds like you're on the right path when it comes to raising your children.

I haven't fared well with my only son. We certainly weren't the best parents, but far from the worst. I think a large part of the problem nowadays is the need for most families to have 2 incomes, with both parent's working outside the home. I'm not saying it's the root cause, but it makes it more difficult. Then there are all these addictive drugs that (thankfully) didn't exist when I was a lad. "Tough Love" is tough to display. Objectivity seems to leave the arena.

RMD

[charlene]

RMD - I've been a stay at home mum since I was pregnant with my eldest-a son who is now 22 1/2. His sister came along along almost 4 years later.
The key thing is to have both parents onside with each other in all aspects of raising a child.
Both kids were raised the same-same values/expectations etc. One is a delight- never a problem, good student, hard worker, lots of help, polite, generous - a nice kid...the other not so much.....at least at home. Others can't say enough about how wonderful he is...
and he got worse when his 'father' (not 'parent' but 'friend as he wanted to be to his kids) left 4 years ago. In those 4 years he has been asked to 'participate' in this family and help me out. He's been given the choice to shape up or ship out. Tough love. 3 times. When he came back the other two times I found he hadn't changed. Lots of stuff happened but being a mum I wanted him to know I was here for him. And I was.
June 3rd he moved out and in with his 'friend' (father) at his grandparents home. To the family who have had NO contact with me or my daughter or him almost in 4 years after 28 years of marriage.

He made the choice to do that rather than be a part of this home with his sister and grandmother and all we've done for him.
I haven't heard a word from him since.

There's no guarantees - staying home, both working, being wealthy, being poor, - no one knows what the outcome will be.

I do know that my son changed almost 100% when he got to high school - nothing bad or illegal, nice friends etc. but a shift in attitude was huge. And it wasn't good. And it got worse with me bearing the brunt of it. His 'friend' was busy with his life outside the home and wanted no responsibilities when he was here. And his son learned that lesson very well.

It's a crapshoot....it really is.

[Cathy]

It always amazes me how you can raise two children in the same house, the same way, and they turn out competely different. Matthew, my oldest, was a real miniature gansta/rapper when he was a kid. He wanted so much to be black. It was cooler in his eyes. Dan was he quiet, shy kid who always helped out around the house. At about age 16, Matt looked in the mirror and said, "What am I doing? I'm white!" At that point he started acting like the white, Maine hick that he is today. Matt turned out to be a great, responsible young man. Dan has disappointed me more than a few times, but all-in-all, he's a pretty good kid, too.
I think many parents are afraid to discipline their children for fear the Department Of Human Services will pay them a visit. They are real pros at doing that, and letting the real offenders go unnoticed. I really don't think there is anything wrong with giving a kid a slap on the butt, or forcing him to go to bed without is supper if he's done something really bad. I know I've had a few butt smacks, and missed more than one supper because I was too mouthy to Mom. It didn't take too long for me to learn my lesson.

[closetcanadian]

It's a crapshoot....it really is.

My sentiments exactly Char! I have said the very same thing for years. You do the best you can as a parent and then cross your fingers and hope the kids turn out OK. A little concept known as "free will" is the rogue part of the equation! Se la vie...

[Auburn Annie]

Hey Char - sounds like my sister's situation. A lot depends on the age and gender of the kids. She's got 2 boys (15 and almost 17.) Their divorce was final last November; custody is nominally joint but their dad has final say on most issues and their mom has them alternate weekends. Staying with their dad? - woo hoo!! Fast food nearly every night, he buys them the games their mother wouldn't approve of, let's "boys be boys" etc. But they never have a home-cooked meal with dad; he's left them home alone all day when they're sick; "works" late several times a week; and leaves the house at night after they're asleep to spend time with his latest girlfriend. BUT my sister has noticed in the last few months the boys are choosing to spend more of their dad's time with her. The novelty of "do anything you want" is wearing off and they're looking for her structure, rules, and plain mothering. So far they've stayed out of trouble but they do go through a mouthy, know everything stage no matter how well brought up they are.

[Shutup and Deal, I'm Losin']

[All eyes are now falling on me]

[brink-]

Originally posted by Fading Away:
[All eyes are now falling on me]

LOL Mine were, Douglas. I was wondering though how you would respond as to what your parents did right and wrong. lol