Note: Recent additions to Colorado in GREEN
This thread idea occurred to me when, in another thread, "How are the Dog-Days of Summer up your way ?" I mentioned a reference from a very funny set of Jeff Foxworthy-esque punchlines called you know you are a Colororadoan if:
example:You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.
Following are the whole list of Coloradoan punchlines, or whatever you call them, but the idea is in
your post-reply, why not poke fun at your own home state and create a characiture of your state's denizens. The typical setups include: driving habits, weather, speech manerisms, colloquialisms, what other state residents assume to be true about you, etc.
One such line came up in another thread I noticed from ( I believe) MandoAnn who who was experiencing difficulty with her live guitar performance in a loud open-mic night bar, and she broke the ice with a Massachusets drivers' joke where they are referred to as "MassHoles".
The two together caused me to think it might be fun, despite having nothing whatsoever to do (necessarily) with Lightfoot (except maybe in the Great Lakes States), to poke fun at ourselves, thereby beating others to the punch at the needling we would get anyway.
Folllowing are the
rest of Coloradoan jokes, which may not make sense to anybody but a Coloradoan on many, but afterwards, I at least would get a laugh out of hearing from your homestate, or state of targeted uhm, (how would Bush, Jr. put it?) "Humourisms"
Coloradoans:
You know you live in CO ... If...:
A winter statistic:
98% OF AMERICANS SAY 'OH $HIT' BEFORE
GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM COLORADO
AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.!!!!!! Raucous laughline...
------------------------------------------------------laughline....
You know someone is NOT from Colorado if they are both scared-to-death
on Trail-Ridge Road; and can be caught at the top dripping their drinks on
the ground to see if one drop goes to the Atlantic, and two feet over,
the other goes to the Pacific....and yell "snow" "snow" in July....-----------------------------------------------------------------
You're from Colorado if
You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
------------------------------------------------------laughline....
When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees,
you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
------------------------------------------------------etc....
It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.
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You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of
temperature.
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You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And
then you make fun of them.
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'Humid' is over 25%.
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Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away
from the mountains.
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You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one.
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You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!raucous laughline
a 3-footer in the 4th week of May is no biggie over 7000 ft.
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a 2-footer in town the 1st week of June is no biggie over 9000 ft.
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You will wear leather heavy backpacking/flex crampon'able
boots with a business suit in winter;and know what those are.
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You'll wear Vibram lug trail runners in the summer,
and know what those are....-------------------------------------------------------
Instead of a decent briefcase, you'll shlep a Cordura
North Face Day & 1/2'er by one strap, and you could
and you know what that is, and what you could
-------------------------------------------------------
You always wear a Leatherman, or Swiss Army Champ
on your belt; even with a suit, and know what those are.
--------------------------------------------------------
You know what "fourteeners" are, and if you are from Boulder,
you know how many there are, and have been on them all.
--------------------------------------------------------
You're a college student that intelligently wears both shoulder
straps on their daypack; which is tantamount to wearing a poster-board
that says "I'm from out-of-state, a freshman, and..my folks are loaded.---------------------------------------------------------
You are a college student, and you know that no matter how stuggling financially you are, you ride a fore&aft suspension 88-speed mountain bicycle around campus, and you never, ever, ride a street bicycle, which screams: "I'm from out-of-state" & a freshman.--------------------------------------------------------
You know every mountain tourist-town has 2 Christmas gift-shops open
in the summer, & sell tree ornaments, and misc. Holiday items, and call those items "knick-knacks" if you're from Minnesota or Wisconsin.---------------------------------------------------------
You live in Boulder, or any town over 7000 feet, and carry the
"ten-essentials" at all times in your day and 1/2-er. And, if you
live over 9000 feet, you carry both the European and USA list.----------------------------------------------------------
You know what the full-services town over 10,000 feet is called, and
why the metal its named after is not nor has it been the minng ore.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You know the TV show South Park is not really a town in Colorado,
but one of three distinct Park-like regions of immense basins in Co.
------------------------------------------------------------
You know if you wear a pro-nuclear power anti-fossil fuels
bumper-sticker in your hybrid SUV in Boulder, you'll be shot by a
$60,000 V-8 4wd SUV owner that gets 10 mpg around town.
-------------------------------------------------------------
You know that snow-mobiles are not reliable for essential supllies
when you can't plow off-road to your mountain home in May.-------------------------------------------------------------
You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's day, but try
and hold off planting them until just before Father's day.
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You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
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You know what the Continental Divide is.
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You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal.
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You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and as an adult.
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You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended
for such activities.
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You always know the elevation of where you are. Because...
------------------------------------------------------
Your watch has GPS, Elevation, Weather,& elec.compass
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You know those year-round flip-flops in Boulder are Birk's, and
the native population wears ragg-wool sox with them for winter.
--------------------------------------------------------
You can actually see the Milky Way as a clear band across the sky.??????
Your turn
What about YOUR state ?
Or maybe, the denizens of that state next-door ?
~
geo steve ,
a Coloradoan,
who knows his house is at 6202 ft.