RMD - I've been a stay at home mum since I was pregnant with my eldest-a son who is now 22 1/2. His sister came along along almost 4 years later.
The key thing is to have both parents onside with each other in all aspects of raising a child.
Both kids were raised the same-same values/expectations etc. One is a delight- never a problem, good student, hard worker, lots of help, polite, generous - a nice kid...the other not so much.....at least at home. Others can't say enough about how wonderful he is...
and he got worse when his 'father' (not 'parent' but 'friend as he wanted to be to his kids) left 4 years ago. In those 4 years he has been asked to 'participate' in this family and help me out. He's been given the choice to shape up or ship out. Tough love. 3 times. When he came back the other two times I found he hadn't changed. Lots of stuff happened but being a mum I wanted him to know I was here for him. And I was.
June 3rd he moved out and in with his 'friend' (father) at his grandparents home. To the family who have had NO contact with me or my daughter or him almost in 4 years after 28 years of marriage.
He made the choice to do that rather than be a part of this home with his sister and grandmother and all we've done for him.
I haven't heard a word from him since.
There's no guarantees - staying home, both working, being wealthy, being poor, - no one knows what the outcome will be.
I do know that my son changed almost 100% when he got to high school - nothing bad or illegal, nice friends etc. but a shift in attitude was huge. And it wasn't good. And it got worse with me bearing the brunt of it. His 'friend' was busy with his life outside the home and wanted no responsibilities when he was here. And his son learned that lesson very well.
It's a crapshoot....it really is.
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